Talking Mirror
i
Years ago, long before anyone here on Earth was born, my creator birthed a liar - because he was one. I had a mouth once & I would go & tell all who stood in front of me their truth, their messy truth, the type of truth you don’t want to hear, the truth that leaves you naked.
& contrary to popular belief now, they would believe the words i told them & not the lies i showed them. This (pause) was bad for business. So Justus, the German chemist, my father removed my truth leaving me voiceless. Preventing me from telling you the truth behind the lie I showed you, leaving only the lie.
All because his creation became something more, something he didn’t expect, something different, something he chose not to accept. Before he died, he said to me “they can never know the truth you utter for it is not what they come to you for. Your purpose is to lie & make that lie so believable they take it & make it their truth.”
ii
i’m mirror. i’ve always been one
since a youngin, i reflect what’s in front of me,
becoming it / mirroring what presents itself
i am what i am & that’s just how it is
it’s not something i make time to think about - my nature
i’m just being - going through life not really thinking about what’s around me
i see the world but don’t see myself in it
maybe that’s why i don’t know my role in this or
if i do, i can’t really define what it is
which is why i float so (short pause) i just exist, as is
observing & going through the motions
our elders tell us “that’s normal”, to become what you see. (said in an adult tone) “you are young & haven’t gone through much”
they must be right, right?
they have lived longer & endured greater
so they must know better than us
they’ve got to
it’s a fact
i hope..
i absorb their emotions, their opinions, their thoughts, their reactions
i claim them as if they are my own
don’t believe me? watch.
you yell, watch me be louder
you’re angry, watch me be enraged
you’re sad, watch me cry
you disrespect … you catch my drift.
i become what appears in MY mirror
my mirror (say slowly)
questioning that, doesn’t seem important & is reinforcement to my point
i am what i am.
iii
i’m still mirror - my nature though?
Years of not questioning, lacking introspecting,
has made me resolute - concrete in my build
i’ve gotten used to it
accepted it,
internalized it,
& made it a part of my DNA
my makeup,
my identity
not once, skeptical of what has become 2nd nature
i mean i’ve thought of it, it’s crossed my mind a bunch since my teens but
i ain’t sit with it
i think back..
“it’s okay to become what you see,” remember?
& that has not changed
they got angry, so i did too
they didn’t apologize so i didn’t
they never reached out so i didn’t either
as i’ve aged,
my roots have grown deeper into the ground
cementing me in my ways
still, absorbing what ain’t mine and being ok with it
until i’m not.
until a storm came, an argument
an argument with someone i care a lot about
he didn’t like my demeanor, he never really has
cause it doesn’t resemble his
& you want that in a son you know - for him to resemble you
so when you notice that’s not the case..
resentment begins to form
because this thing that you created,
this thing that you put time into forming -
you created with an expectation
for it be your splitting image
in every way & that hasn’t happened.
so you question it instead of accepting it -
that once your creation is ready for distribution &
leaves the factory, en route for public consumption,
it ain’t yours anymore.
it may come out just how you wanted it to, & you hope it does, & that’s great
but, (short pause)
it may also come out the complete opposite of how you wanted, & one would hope that’s great too
& Pops has had trouble with that
i lost my dad.
he didn’t die,
but i lost my dad
i’m mirror, I hope you’ve been listening
i reflect what’s in front of me
so if you come with anger & disrespect
what do you think you’re getting in return?
if you come poking your chest like the big man you are
what do you think i will do?
the answer to those
are answers you already know
it’s how i am
but, it’s not how i hope to remain.
it wasn’t until i lost him,
until we spoke for the last time
that i realized that’s not how i want to continue to be.
i want to be the type of mirror that reflects better -
that doesn’t just reflect what stands before it, as is
but elevates that reflection
revealing an upgraded, enhanced version of what is being shown
i want darkness to enter & for light to exit
when anger comes - for love & calm to welcome it
when sadness arrives - for happiness to overtake it & bear hug until it disintegrates to the ground disappearing into the nothingness that surrounds us
that’s the type of mirror i want to be
one that has to power to change
that’s the type of mirror i will become
because continuing down this path
in the manner in which i tread is going to leave me beat i mean shietttt, I already am
i’m tired of daily battle
tired of taking on the weight of other people’s emotions
iv
(spoken confidently)
it has taken a great deal of work, deep work to change but
I have stuck by my word
& those references & life experiences that i once lacked i got in the bag!
i have lived - endured pain & sorrow
i have seen - spoken to walks of life completely different from my own & what i know
i have parented children, molded & nurtured human plants to full bloom
seeing them stretch & grow far beyond their child limbs can actually go & mannnn
What A Joy
I have experienced more than I can show my appreciation for but
i’m still mirror
a different type now
i did what i said i would though,
what younger me put his attention & energy to &
i’m so thankful that He, i mean, I did
because i can honestly say,
we are better!
(say slowly, with emphasis)
we are better!
no longer mirroring what is presented but
with patience & the ability to see clearly what stands
before me,
controlling what i present, with love
no longer being influenced by what doesn’t come from me
but being driven by what comes from within me
projecting what I want to show
the fortress that is me, my body, & my mind
has become impenetrable to what isn’t for me
i’ve learned that when
angers arrives he needs patience
& when he brings his friend rage to welcome them with slow breaths & some water, some ice cold water
Sadness
Fear
Disgust
Shame
took years to shed but
i’ve mastered showing their opposites
Joy
Courage
Love
Confidence
i have morphed
i am a portal now
& that’s what a mirror is - a place for you to behold what you are
& learn that if you don’t like what you see
YOU have the power to change it
& know that at the end once you’ve crossed that threshold
you’re different, no longer the person who entered
you’re better
you have conquered the talking mirror
Paz.
Check LONYC weekly our take on: creative writing, politics, photography, food, fashion, film, and music. Follow us, feel the vibe @laidoffny.
Get to know Ian better, @javielpapi_ for all his latest creative endeavours.
For more thought provoking graphics check out @art_by_slevy.
