A Record of Me Maintaining an Open*, Authentic*, and Healthy* Relationship in the Time of Corona
Written by Sophie Mancini. Graphics by Sophie Levy.
With an abundance of content around how to maintain a healthy relationship during the pandemic, I thought why not offer a window into mine.
Below are just a few examples of the positive and loving communication tactics I employ whilst cohabitating with my boyfriend in quarantine.
“Which mask is more flattering? We’re not leaving until you give me an honest answer.”
“Do you ever feel like we’re becoming siblings?”
“Does that hat make you feel safe?”
“Where’s my sock? It’s tiny. More like a ped.”
“Where’s my hair tie?”
“Where’s my tissue?”
“Where’s my water glass? Did you take my water glass?”
“Please treat this Purell like it’s something we share.”
“Can you guarantee total immobility in bed tonight? I need uninterrupted sleep.”
Climbing into bed three hours after he’s gone to sleep.
“Are you awake?”
“Your head’s touching my pillow.”
Him talking directly into his laptop.
“Are you on a call?”
Me staring at a pile of identical towels.
“Which one is mine? I can only use mine.”
As he peacefully drifts into a nap.
“Sometimes I feel like you’re not attracted to me.”
Me frozen outside the doorway.
“I wore a Revel helmet and will not enter until you check my entire head for lice.”
Him diligently working on his computer during “Sex and the City”.
“Actually paying attention to this would help your emotional intelligence.”
Me gesturing towards the grocery store door handle.
“You’re the sacrifice today.”
Him reading a book, minding his own business.
“I feel as though you don’t understand my rich inner life.”
Me struggling to open a door with just my foot, red in the face and panting.
“Study my technique.”
As he finishes setting up his 700 computer monitors.
“We must work on the roof for vitamin D. Health first.”
Me leaping onto his body then proceeding to cling on for dear life.
“Crossfit! You’re the rope!”
After he does anything remotely displeasing then tries to make contact.
“6 ft apart, please.”
Flinging my body onto the bed.
“The Nutella’s gone.”
Flinging my body onto the floor.
“I’m hideous.”
Flinging my body onto the couch.
“Is my skin subtly glowing today?”
Wishing me good morning in a kind, friendly tone.
“Do not infantilize me.”
Gently requesting I put my dirty dishes away.
“This feels like a suggestion of violence.”
Asking I wait so he can join me on a walk after his Zoom.
“I will not be shackled. Not by you. Not by anyone.”
“Should we be engaged?”
“For some reason I can totally imagine you becoming a cold, emotionally distant husband.”
“What’s your least favorite quality about me?”
“Give me one good reason why you never wait in the bathroom with me while I do my skincare routine.”
“Is this blanket unflattering?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way. But sometimes I feel like you’re an alien pretending to be a human but haven’t quite figured it all out yet.”
“When you eat all the bananas, we can’t make banana bread. Remember that.”
“Which of my friends would you want to date?”
“If we were to have a child together and you could only save one, who would you save? Choose carefully.”
“Do I have a bad hairline?”
“I love your hairline.”
“Because you’re so introverted, is this, like, a better pace of life for you?”
Lisping in a nightguard.
“Do you thtill think I’m pretty like thith? Don’t lie.”
Walking in comfortable silence.
“I can wait no longer. Am I the shortest person you’ve ever dated? Yes or no.”
Walking in comfortable silence.
“You’re hard to have a conversation with sometimes, you know that?”
Walking in comfortable silence.
“Ok. Air your grievances.”
“Do I have a masculine gait?”
“Will this ever end?”
“Has it really been 3 months?”
“How long do you think this will last?”
“How long do you think we’ll last this?”
“I hope we last forever.”
“...”
“Are you asleep?”
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